I knew coming to Tennessee that I would meet my dad for the first time. Of course I was kinda scared and nervous.. Yes I am 36 years old and maybe I shouldn't be nervous but I was.. Its a long story of why I never met him.. My mom was pregnant when she was still a senior in high school and living in Germany. When my grandparents found out she was pregnant, they sent her to the states to get her away from my dad. He attempted to send letters but my Great Grandma kept them from her. Everyone goes on with their life and I was 16 when I found out from the dad that raised me that I wasn't his. I was crushed but what could you do.
When I was 18, on the night of my graduation, my Aunt on my moms side called saying that my dads twin sister had found them and wanted to know if I would call them..I called to say hi, but was to nervous to really talk.. Every summer, we went to Harriman Tennessee to stay the summer with my grandparents on my moms side. I called my Aunt Phyllis, who is my dads twin and told her I was ready to meet them.. My Aunt Phyllis and Aunt Alena came down to meet me, it was new but fun to me! I ended up coming to Clarksville and met the rest of my family that lives here. Everyone but my dad!
I stayed here and lived with my aunt for a few years! My dad tried calling me two times and that was all.. I moved on with my life now married and just dropped the fact of ever meeting my dad..
I honestly didn't care to, not even going to lie...
Life carries on and everyone goes their on ways..
2 weeks ago, my Aunt Phyllis calls me and tells me that my Grandpa is dying.. I did everything in my power to get her, and knowing that on that long drive here I would be meeting my dad for the first time and my children would be meeting their grandpa for the first time..
I let go of that pride that I had of not caring to know my father and realize that my children need a grandpa in their life... ( they lost their gpa on their dads side last December)
So We get here and he is the first person I see. He hugs me, tells me he loves me and starts talking to kids.. We have been here for two weeks and its slowly getting easier to talk to him.. Spencer spent the night with him and his wife, their grandma.
Spence had a blast and loves him.. I am glad he has took to him as well as he has. The other two are like me and I guess its gonna take them a lil longer to warm up to him. But now the questions of who I look like and Michael looks like are answered!
I know everyone wants us to bond and have this father/daughter relationship but its gonna take time, I cant be pushed into anything. I have faith that one day we will have the relationship that he longs for and my family longs for us, but right now its just gonna take some time!
I still don't have that feeling in my heart that I need to have a dad in my life at the age of 36 but I have been asked if I really do want it and maybe I have this wall up because I am afraid of being hurt!
I honestly don't know the answer to that, Maybe its something I will figure out one day. But until then, I am just gonna take it one day at a time!
